A Year of Transition.

Part One.

A whole year has gone by since we made the big move to Adelaide.

Our move was a big leap of Faith. Started of as a simple idea that came from my husband, when I first heard it, I laughed because I knew it wasn't going to happen. I'm the type of a person who likes to know in advance how things are going to turn out, in another words I like being in control. But that's not how faith works; a lesson that God had planned through my transition.

April 15th 2019 we drove from Melbourne to Adelaide. It was a happy feeling, you know when your going on a holiday and you can't wait to get there and do all the awesome things that people do during holidays? Well that's exactly how I was feeling. I was thinking about the wineries, historical buildings, beaches and the beautiful hills. Boy! I was excited, I love holidays, I mean who doesn't?

The first few months was exactly how I expected it to be. We went on adventure trips every Sundays after church and ate out all the time. We were living our best lives. Kids started school, hubby started work and I was constantly in holiday mode. Up until my mind started telling me...its time to go home. I kept telling my mind that this was now home, but it wouldn't have it. I started struggling to accept my new home and depression found its way in.

I stopped going out, started staying in bed longer than usual, I only got up if I needed to pick the kids up from school, and I'd jump back in bed straight after that. I lost interest in my business and all the things that brought me joy. Nothing made me happy. I was missing my family so much, this was the first time in my whole life living in a different state without them. I missed having my own home and space (we were living with my mother in law at this point ) I missed seeing familiar faces and roads. I hated driving and having to relay on a GPS all the time. I hated everything. I couldn't believe that this was now my reality. I felt like I was in a box with little room to move. Depression is real! I was stuck in the past and couldn't bring myself back to the present, and if I do make it to a present moment, it was on my way to visiting the future and i'd stay there for a while.

 My kids spent a lot time at the local library. They even made it on the library website advertisement, that's how much time they spend there.They also did a lot of bike riding with their dad and discovering new parks. While I was in bed all day long. I questioned God a lot, I wouldn't go as far as saying I had lost my faith, but I would be lying if I said my faith wasn't shaken by all this. My biggest question to God was where did my JOY go? I knew I needed to stop feeling this way, because I was so tired of being in bed all the time, but I couldn't physically get up. My turning point was when my son Jeremiah, offered to cook dinner because mama couldn't get up, I found the strength to get up and he helped prepare dinner. That evening I spoke up about how I was feeling, I admitted that I was depressed and seeked  help. I was so grateful that I spoke up just before it got worse. 

Change is often hard and painful; hard to accept and painful to go though, but it's through the hard times that we grow the most. I didn't know that I was going through a stage of growth. Growth as a mother, as a wife, as a business women and most importantly as a believer. There was so much more in me, all I needed to do was to shift my focus from my problems to my purpose. When I gained my focus back, I was now able to see past my reality and understand why we really moved... I found my Joy in the midst of being alone, and learning to be comfortable alone.

Don't let doubt paralyze you during your transition. I'm so grateful and thankful for the move. I count it all joy.

Bee Loko